Sex, Success and their Patterns of Correlation

While staring at the murals of naked women all over the walls of a 'love motel' I recently stayed in on a trip to Seoul, I couldn't help but ponder just much time I, (and every other guy I know) spends thinking about sex.

In addition to that, as I was there by myself on a shoestring budget, (and it was totally unlikely that I was gonna get any) I couldn't help but put a philospohical spin on it. It was either that or push-ups. Looking back, (or more aptly, looking around), caused me to reflect on a passage from a book I had read by Napolean Hill, called Think and Grow Rich. In that book, the author had suggested that oftentimes men who had achieve great levels of success are highly sexual in nature, but that they never achieved that success until they were in their 40s. The author hypothesized that this is because at that point, they are settled in, their sex drive has calmed down a bit, and they are turning their mind to other things. Intrinsically, in kind of a bizarre way, it seemed to make sense. For most of the guys who figure them out how to score early enough in life, all that drive, all that ambition goes into chasing after the opposite sex. I think as guys we've all known the dude who has no trouble with the opposite sex, and we also all know that that's all he ever talks about.
Conversely however, we've also all read about the guys who did achieve a lot of great things when they were young, and suprise suprise, most of them did so -at least in part- because they weren't concerned with the opposite sex. In the case of Muhammed Ali, from what I'd read, it's because he was never really good with them. (This is also the case with an All-Japan Judo champion I know.) In the case of Leonardo and Michaelangelo, I had heard that it was because they were gay and sexually frustrated. This also makes me wonder what was really going on when they named all the Ninja Turtles. If any of you are interested in writing a version of that Da Vinci code, I guarantee you'll have at least one reader ;)

Could it be that that's why Christianity and Catholicism put so much emphasis on celebacy as a path to living a righteous life (i.e. to keep the focus?). A good friend of mine who chose to remain so until he married is also the only person I've even known to have the discipline to develop an absolutely perfect looking body. If that's not a prime example then I don't know what is. It's enough to make you wonder if John Wayne Bobbit would have been better off without the 're-sewing'.

Coming up as a kid...and teen...and finally young adult, I always felt plagued by the fact that I was such an audaciously late bloomer. But then again, looking at where I'm at and what I'm doing now, as a function of it, I guess I should count my blessings.

Success, Relaxation and their Pattern of Correlation

Today I've spent the day in the airport waiting for my flight to return to Tokyo from Seoul. Thanks to the wonders of visa complications (or lack of visa complications I should say) I wasn't able to join the flight that I was scheduled for, and as such have had quite a lot of time to think while I wait for my flight tomorrow morning. (That and read the pamphlet the little Korean Jehovah's witness gave me).

Anyway, in refecting on my trip and how smooth it was (overall ;) , I couldn't help but notice that 1) I recently I always seemed to have just enough of everything, (food, time, money, etc.) and 2) that that that means that a decision that I made a year ago is finally starting to come to fruition. What I had decided was to give myself more than enough.

Right around this time last year, I went to a sports club to teach Tae kwon do as I usually did. At the time, I had a headache from not sleeping enough, my stomach was tied in knots from not eating enough, and I had a torn hamstring, and pulled muscles in both calves. I was in absolutely no condition whatsoever to be exercising (let alone teaching anyone else how to), and when none of my students showed up, I wasn't just relieved, I was happy. Oddly enough however, despite the fact that the martial arts room was usually packed on Saturday, no one else showed up either. It could well have been that it was a national holiday or something and being the ignorant (and illiterate) foreigner that I am, I simply didn't know it. For whatever reason however, I was alone- and I was grateful for it.

Instead of going home, I took a few minutes to go through a light Tai Chi routine (which I usually did to assess my body's physical condition) and then stretched out. As my room in my apartment at the time was no bigger than an unfolded rubix cube, I was happy to have the space to do it. After that, still instead of going home, I simply laid down on the mat and let my tightened muscles relax. Connected as they are, my mind eventually followed suite, and I came to notice something. That not just the room, but the whole building was absolutely perfectly quiet. There was no noise.

And it occurred to me at that moment that despite my best efforts at achieving my goals, that's what I was missing. Silence. As any ring fighter will tell you, you can't perform well when you're nervous. 1) Because you expend way too much energy and you exhaust yourself, and 2) because you can't think clearly, so your responses to stimuli (i.e. a fist or foot flying at your face) are never optimal. The point of practice and ceaseless repitition is not just for building muscle or stamina, it's for building confidence in your movement and correspondingly, mental relaxation. It was something that I'd taught a million times, and something that I knew to strive for when I fought, and yet something that I had never really internalized. With that, I decided that the difficulty with my situation didn't stem from my own inability, it stemmed from my lack of relaxation. Relaxation that I knew could easily be achieved if I started giving myself more than what I thought would be enough of everything. Intrinsically, it made sense. All the books on financial management I had read said to save at least 10% of everything you ever earn. Why? So that you have more than enough. When rough times come, you have something to fall back on, and as such, never have any reason to loose your cool.

With that, as I walked out of that gym -epiphany in hand- I decided to re-write every plan I'd laid out for the next year. If I gave myself 1 month to get something done, I extended it to 3. If I had a budget of $100 to get something done, I'd find a way to do it on $30. As such, if I achieved what I set out to do- I would be ahead on my schedule and my money, not trying just to keep up. Although I didn't know it at the time, this was also analogous to a certain business success ideal: Underpromise, and overdeliver.

In both life and business I'd been working the other way around. And I was paying for it with continual frustration and loss of respect in my social network.

Bruce Lee once said that before one studies a martial art, a punch is simply a punch. But then as they study, it becomes more than that. It becomes a process; a system; effort, and learning, and then after it's all been internalized, and the mind silences, a punch, once again is merely a punch. Albiet a waaaaaaaaaay better one. Now, as my efforts at mental relaxation internalize themselves, the 4 year struggle to produce my company's first product line comes to a close, and I prepare to make the leap from part-time model/actor to full-time, we'll see just how much stronger my punch has become.